Tom's Weblog

Perfection is possible.

Why can’t I sleep at night?

It’s Monday.  It’s past 2 AM.  I can’t sleep.  Despite watching House 2, a favorite movie of mine from many years ago, I can”t sleep.  Now, I end up watching a bad Netflix-on-demand movie that I really don’t care to watch, just because it’s a “psychological thriller”.   And it’s new.  why I cannot sleep, I do not know.  I will be falling asleep at 1o AM at work tomorrow, yet despite the fact that I have not napped, I have not rested since I slept last night, I still wake.  I have to force myself to sleep.  Why?   I have my day prepared for tomorrow, perhaps over-prepared, but I will struggle through that day, and again, why?  I do not know the answer.   I read a bit of Charles Manson’s writings and interviews this evening.   I cannot explain why I’m interested except that there was something in the news about someone finding out they were CM’s kid.  Can you imagine?  Like I have said before, I get obsessed at times about certain things, and today it was Charles Manson.  He was, and definitely is, still crazy (at least according to modern psyche) but reading between his lines depicts a guy who is deathly concerned with the future of humanity and the future of this planet.  I actually looked up ATWA (Air Trees Water Animals), and the first thing I found was some pop song that ripped off ATWA from Manson.  While I think that CM is a psychopath, I don’t think CM’s knowingly responsible for the deaths of so many people he is accused as being a conspirator of.  I do think he is a very intelligent, philosophical person that people admired.  This is a dangerous trend.  We have so many people looking for answers that the most absurd answers make sense.  What if we just stopped searching for answers?  What if there are no answers?  Then again, why do I lay awake at night?  Not for answers.  Not out of fear.  Out of desperation, I guess.  I go to work every day, and it tires me.  I need to find a solution that fits my obsession.  News.  Somehow news.  I am fascinated by human activity and obsessed by human action.  One of these days, I will find relief.

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November 24, 2009 Posted by | My Thoughts | 2 Comments